Wow. So much to think about lately. I am sitting here with so many thoughts running through my head. Just finished reading Katie´s blog (http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/) and wanting to show the love of Christ as she shows it. Wanting to live my life with the kind of faith and love she does. Wanting to be open and transparent with what is going on. I constantly battle with what to write about in my blogs...constantly feeling like I have to swerve this issue or omit that because it isn´t glittery and shiny. It´s hard being transparent. And weird knowing that people know about my life and that I may not have the opportunity or time to know theirs. But it´s okay. I´m so blessed that there are people that care enough to read and it´s not about that anyways, it´s about making Christ´s name known here on the earth.
As I went to the market this morning, there were several people that I crossed paths that I wanted to stop and talk to. I didn´t. What would I tell them? Explain to them that Jesus loves them and that he died for them and rose again, and that they have to give their lives to Him in order to spend forever with Him? Is that all? Should I be having a Bible study in my house that I can invite my neighbors and people I meet in the street to? Will people think the gospel is something that is linked to being my race or age, or will they welcome it with open arms, knowing that they too can open up their homes and make them places to study the Bible. Lord, show me how to lead by example. Let the gospel never become old to me, and let me never make excuses to not share with someone what you have done in my life.
How do I share out of love and not out of duty? This too requires vulnerability, and as I am learning more about desciplesship, I am seeing that telling someone what Jesus has done in my life is part of explaining the gospel. Telling them what He´s teaching me, What He´s healing. Being open to share faults and shortcomings, and even more, letting people in close enough to see them. It´s impossible to understand grace without understanding our sin and faults. As I´ve mentioned before, one of the sins I struggle often with is fear.
¨Today I gaze at my Savior and I know: courage is not the absence of fear.
Courage is to say, “I am afraid,” but walk it anyway. Courage is to stand broken and limping and look into these faces around us, His faces, and say, “Not my will but yours Father.” Courage is to say, “I don’t want to do this,” but to grab tight to a slaughtered Son and let His blood pool in my sin-holes and allow Him to pull me with Him into glory.¨ -Katie (http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/)
This is exactly where I am. Looking the temptation of fear between the eyes every day. Some irrational, some rational, but all come with a choice to succumb to it or walk in courage. Courage is based on hope in God, and hope in God comes from knowing who God is in the deepest part of who you are, and founding your life on who He says He is.
Worship has a huge part in this too. I think one of the deepest forms of worship is giving God glory, praise and adoration in the midst of the battle, and in the midst of suffering. Feeling fear sitting on your shoulder and crying out to God, refusing to believe the lies it is whispering in your ear, but instead clinging to the promises of God. Worship is simply reaffirming who God is, and Satan hates nothing more than to hear God´s children verbally giving Him glory and praise.
I enjoy washing the dishes, because it allows me time to do something (I get so restless sitting still) while my mind is free. It is the perfect time to pray. You know when you´ve asked God a million times for something and you bring it up to Him again? Same prayer...five bajillionth time. Okay so there I am praying, and I am reminded of when the Israelites ask God for a king to rule over them, and God gives it to them, not because it was His will for them, but they had rejected Him.
And the LORD said to Samuel, “Heed the voice of the people in all that they say to you; for they have not rejected you, but they have rejected Me, that I should not reign over them. According to all the works which they have done since the day that I brought them up out of Egypt, even to this day; with which they have forsaken Me and served other gods; so they are doing to you also.” I Samual 8:6-8
My prayer was that I not be like Israel and that God not give me over to the thing I am asking if it is not His will. That very same day, I opened up the Bible to the part I was going to read for that day, and within the first chapter of my reading, this is what I saw:
Psalm 81
9There shall no strange god be among you, neither shall you worship any alien god.
10I am the Lord your God, Who brought you up out of the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide and I will fill it.
11But My people would not hearken to My voice, and Israel would have none of Me.
12So I gave them up to their own hearts' lust and let them go after their own stubborn will, that they might follow their own counsels.
13Oh, that My people would listen to Me, that Israel would walk in My ways!
I guess now would also be the time to mention that the Lord has been revealing idolatry in my life. Things that I try to fill the void of loneliness or insecurity instead of running strait to God. It is a battle I am fighting and ask for your prayers. It was interesting that this particular prayer that I was praying (that God would not give me over to my desires if they were not His will) was imbedded in idolatry...hmmm.
So, first of all, Israel worshiped idols.
Secondly, Israel had a deaf ear toward the Lord.
Thirdly, they gave way to lust, a stubborn heart, and their own counsels.
And that is when God gave them over to their desires and gave them judges for some 400 years.
My prayer is that God would break down the idols in my life, in our lives. That he would help us to have hearing ears and a receptive heart, and that we would not give way to lust, abstinence, or our own counsels, but instead open wide our mouths to the Lord because he promises He will fill it.
**Funny how I like to get full on the donuts and potato chip junk food of facebook and skype and then when I come into the presence of the Lord I´m not really ¨hungry¨ for the dinner feast He´s planned.**
My prayer for me here and for you wherever you are is that you would open your mouth and he would satisfy the deepest longing of hunger within you.
And yes, for those of you that were wondering or already guessed it, that whole conversation with the Lord when I was washing dishes was about getting married...which brings me to the next blurb God has been talking to me about.
I have been thinking alot how to glorify the Lord best as a single person. I truly believe that married people can demonstrate God´s relationship with the church in a way that single people can´t, but that single people can demonstrate the dynamics of being part of a family that married people can´t. Namely, God´s family.
(Singleness)¨...is not a calling to extend irresponsible adolescence into your thirties. It is a calling to do what only single men and women in Christ can do in this world, namely, to display by the Christ-exalting devotion of your singleness the truths about Christ and his kingdom that shine more clearly through singleness than through marriage. As long as you are single, this is your calling: to so live for Christ as to make it clearer to the world and to the church
1) that the family of God grows not by propagation through sexual intercourse, but by regeneration through faith in Christ;
2) that relationships in Christ are more permanent, and more precious, than relationships in families;
3) that marriage is temporary and finally gives way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along: Christ and the church—the way a picture is no longer needed when you see face-to-face;
4) and that faithfulness to Christ defines the value of life; all other relationships get their final significance from this. No family relationship is ultimate; relationship to Christ is.¨ -Piper, This Momentary Marriage
So praying for other Christians here with whom I can be family. It´s hard feeling stuck in between two cultures. I can hardly say that I am living an American lifestyle, but Peruvian still look at me like I have a third eye and am green. I think one of the hardest struggles that I am facing right now is just feeling alone. While I´m still American and always will be, I am living in a Peruvian world. I love being here, but that doesn´t mean it is challenge free. Please pray for the grace to and courage to connect with those around me. To find a group of believers whom I can interact with on a daily basis and be discipled as well as disciple.
I know this blog is a little different from the norm, a little more serious. So, on a lighter note...today was my day off, and I was able to spend it part of it cooking (or experimenting in the kitchen if we´re being honest). I finally worked up the guts (hahahah) to cook chicken foot soup. Peruvians are so resourceful in many ways when it comes to using every part of the animal they are cooking, so it is custom to cook the ¨normal¨chicken parts (drumsticks, breast, wing, etc.) in the oven or whatever, and then make a soup out of everything else (gizzards, chicken feet, neck). Soooo, that´s what I did! Here´s proof =)
Chicken foot soup!
Finally made causa....one of my favorite peruvain dishes. It looks a little questionable here, but let me tell you, it´s delish. It´s made from potatoes, and filled with chicken, onions, olives, boiled egg, cheese and mayo. You just have to try it. Come visit me and I just might make it for you =) Oh wait…now some of you may NEVER come visit haha.
Prayer Reqests:
1. One of my friends called me tonight saying that he was very sick and had been bleeding for two days. Please pray for his healing physically. He is supposed to go to a specialist on Friday. He has told me in the past that he has given his life to Christ. Please pray for him and his family during this time.
2. One closest Peruvian friends is very close to coming to know the Lord. He´s over at our house all the time and have been exposed to the gospel multiple times. Please pray that the Holy Spirit would knock SO loud on the door of his heard that he cannot ignore it any longer. He has been involved in various other religions, and may see Christianity as ¨just another religion.¨ Please pray for him in his pursuit of truth.
3. Please continue to pray for the house churches. We are have about 5 right now (in some form whether in beginning stages of Bible study or actual house church). We are battling discouragement because leaders seem to be hard to come by, and enthusiasm is lacking. Please pray that we are able to figure out how to teach in a way that a 6 year old and 60 year alike can understand and appreciate.
4. We are praying about having another person join our team. She would be a huge asset to the spread of the gospel (she knows about 5 languages) , and she is a dear friend; we just want to make sure it is what she is supposed to be doing and that the timing is right. She is praying about this decision as are we. Please join us.
5. Please pray that God would show Lauren and I our giftings in ministry. It is obvious that Lauren has the gifting of evangelism, and I believe I have the gift of pastoring and teaching, so please just pray that God shows us exactly how that works in our team and how we can use our gifting to glorify God and encourage each other and those around us.
6. A mission team from Texas will be coming to join us in about 10 days to work with us for about a week. Please be lifting them up in prayer as they prepare to come and share Christ with the people here. We will be doing school rallies and events in addition to the normal house churches, and it will be a pretty high energy week. So, please not only pray for strength, but for the kids, teens and adults that will hear the gospel during this week. Pray that their hearts would be open and receptive. Pray that they will understand the dramas and dances that we are doing and the message they bring.
7. This last one is a praise. I just wanted to let all of you who support me financially know that I am so thankful for you. None of this would be possible without you. I never know what my month to month income will be, because it is based on individuals and churches who give different amounts or at different times. Because of church confidentiality agreements I do not know who the checks come from if they are sent to Southmont, so I just want to say thank you to all of those who have helped out in that way. You know who you are, even if I don´t, and I am truly grateful.
